There is no strong reason behind you having low self-esteem. It is probably to be a combination of factors that build on each other until a vicious cycle is created, making you feel more crazy. You simply feel like issues keep on mounting as opposed to being resolved.
- The main reason can boil down to self analysis. self-analysis. People with low self-esteem tend to suffer from social anxiety. A pre-cursor to social anxiety is self-obsession where the person continues to think about himself or herself.
Your self image bothers you greatly as though there is some major irregularity in the way you look. This can be hard to overcome if you are not willing to try to change yet won't accept yourself as you are presently.
No one thinks about you as much as you. Know that most people in conversations are more concerned about how you think of them than their perception of you.
If you want to be self-conscious, focus on other people. What a counter intuitive lesson! Once you focus on other people and reduce self-analysis, you begin saying and doing the right things. Also doing activities that make you focus and hold your attention can quickly boost your confidence.
- Low self-confidence can develop by failing to live up to expectations. Be in control of it!
People with high self-esteem value themselves and their achievements and do not care of others’ opinions, unless it is beneficial to them.
On the other hand, people with low self-esteem depend on others to give themselves and their achievements some value. They depend on others’ approval. If people tell us we are not good or we did not do good, we feel bad.
From the day you were born you have people around you, shaping your world, tell you what is good and bad and ultimately forming your initial level of self-confidence. As you went through school your friends and peers will keep on influencing how you feel.
If you are made to feel stupid with over zealous criticism, leaving you feeling like an outcast or if another person made all your decisions for you, this could well be a contributing factor to your low self-esteem today.
The feeling of belong to a group gives you an identity, be it your family, friends or even your job. If you fail to set a foundation of who you want to be, and continue to focus on what you don’t want then you will never start to feel better about yourself.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to fulfill your potential. I urge you to make sure you are in control of setting your expectations. Do not try to follow someone else’s unrealistic expectations of what is expected of you.
- Another example of this is how we treat fortune.
If I am a person of low self-esteem, then if good things happen to me, I shrug my shoulders and say it was luck. If bad things happen to me, I say it must be my fault.
However, if I was a person with high self-confidence, I would be attribute good luck to my efforts and bad luck to fate, that this did not work out.
How then can we improve self confidence.
Here are five ways that you can do just that.
1. Model Confident People
Noticing what confident people do, how they speak, the ways they behave, can provide vital clues to finding self-confidence inside yourself.
Who is the most confident person you can think of? When you have them firmly in your mind, ask yourself these questions: how do they hold their shoulders? How do they stand? How do they walk? What clothes do they wear? How do they behave when with other people? What sort of things do you imagine they say about themselves? And if they were in your situation, what would they do?
This questioning goes far beyond "fake it till you make it" - it links us into the answers already inside us. Once you have a list of what that confident person would do, go ahead and model this behavior. Try it on for a few hours, a day, even a few days. Notice how everything you do, and the events around you, begin to change on their own.
2. Advertise Yourself
When you have to convince someone else about your strengths, it can have a fantastic effect on your self-esteem. Sitting down and really thinking about all your skills, gifts and talents is a wonderful reminder of all the good things about being you. Try writing an advertisement selling yourself as the perfect partner, house mate, friend, etc, with a full description of why anyone would be lucky to have you around. Don't be afraid to blow your own trumpet. This isn't an exercise in modesty, but in self-esteem.
3. Work On Your Resume.
Resumes are all about convincing someone to hire your time and your expertise. Giving your resume a regular update can also give your self-esteem a great boost. Alternatively, update your Facebook profile. Strange as it sounds, there is now research from Cornell University in New York to prove that people who view their Facebook profiles more regularly have better self-esteem. You get to go back and view your clever status updates, your significant dates and events, and photos of good times.
4. Say Positive Things About Yourself
Saying positive things about yourself, to yourself or others, is important. What we say about ourselves reveals a lot about our level of self-esteem. When we rehearse only what we do wrong, or don't like about ourselves, our brain builds neural pathways for these conversations, till eventually negative self-talk is practically automatic.
If you are not used to talking about yourself in a positive way, you will simply have to learn how. Keep practicing, choose a few nice things to say or think about yourself and use them as a mantra every day. It can be something you are proud of about yourself, or positive things you remember others saying about you in the past.
The more you repeat this, the easier the behavior will become as your nervous system will build more neural connections to this positive self-talk, and less to the negative self-talk.
5. Accept mistakes. A baby tries to walk, falls over, and gets up to try again. If it gave up like so many people with poor self-esteem, it would never learn to walk.
While for many, self-esteem issues are a transitional part of growing into an adult and finding a place in the world, scientific research studies show that people with continued low self-esteem are also more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, poor physical health, and even a lower income later on in life.
Those with long lasting issues of low self-esteem know only too well that it is not something you grow out of, but something that sits in the subconscious mind and continues to effect every part of life for years.
6. Is It You, Or Is It Them?
The people who surround us, at home, at school, at work, or in social settings, can have a huge impact on our self-esteem. Either they will support us, making us feel better about ourselves, or their negativity will bring us down emotionally. This may not be intentional. Some people just seem to notice what's wrong more than on what's right.
If you find there are people in your life who make you feel bad about yourself, you need to make a decision. Can you counteract the effect they are having with you? Or do you need to do some punning?
Do you really need to be around people who make you feel bad about yourself? Choose to associate with positive people that make you feel alive, happy, and optimistic about life.
Deciding to spend less time with people isn't about making anyone else 'wrong' or 'bad' -- it has to do with making clear decisions about how you want to, and asserting your right to feel good instead of bad.
Use these strategies on a regular basis and you really will boost your self-esteem -- and increase your self-confidence.
